Coming to an End

They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Nine times out of ten we’ve all been there when it comes to somebody we adore.

For the sake of my sanity
It seems that I’ve suppressed some of our most precious memories
And that’s kind of ironic because rather than facing the reality you had written on all four walls

Holding on to the good days for far too long was always my down fall
It was such a heavenly feel although we were young & naive
Besides all that, we were a team with ease
So it’s no surprise that we weathered the storm

No, we weren’t picture perfect
More like a ruby red rose with a few too many thorns
You called me your angel but then you went & clipped my wings
It used to be so refreshing
I thought this was a forever thing

I’m not gonna lie
The first few versions of this were pretty aggressive
I had to tone it down a bit
There’s such a thing as being a little too expressive
So in this case
I’m doing my best to let these words fly with grace
You’ve been a witness to only a fraction of the pain 

So the nerve of you to tell me that I’ve changed
It’s no longer butterflies & giggles when they mention your name
You see
Somewhere along the lines we fell short
We grew apart & dimmed the flame
One time for Kendrick & Jhene
Because let’s be honest
We’ve been through some things & now the vibe just aint the same

But here we go again
We didn’t need a title to keep repeating the same vicious cycles
Honey, I’m home
But I’m out here & I’m crying all alone
I’m kicking & screaming
Begging and pleading
The loneliness & confusion is really taking a toll
I’m pushing with everything in me to knock down the door to your soul
Are you watching from inside, thinking to yourself,
“Silly girl,
Don’t you see?
The sign says pull.”

How could you slam the book closed before we got to read the next chapter
You hit me with a “It’s not you, it’s me.”
Yeah, you see it in the movies but to live it was quite a disaster
I know there were times you second guessed that cliche
Cause when I came running back
You couldn’t even turn me away

It’s been some time now
I have an expired perspective of who you are
I wish I knew that our days were numbered
Because apparently forever was never too far
That episode of Black Mirror couldn’t have made this any clearer
It took some time to get this to flow just right
I’m no different than most
I’m simply a woman that refused to let you go without putting up a fight
I’m a perfectionist at what I do and like we used to say as kids
I’m not a poet
So you don’t have to question if this piece is about you
Baby, you already know it
It’s not a safe place when I look into your eyes anymore
There’s nothing you can say to make the pain subside anymore

But just as I’m about to walk away
You pull me in closer
You ask me what I’m crying for 

Your energy no longer feeds my soul like comfort food
This is something I thought I’d never have to get used to
The place I used to call home is now a vacant building
The flowers we planted together, they’re slowly wilting
I’m asking questions I’m not ready to know the answers to
I’m drilling 

I forgive you for the scars you left behind
But I’d rather love you from a distance
I’ve poured my heart out to deaf ears a few too many times
I know this comes as a surprise
You’re probably sitting there thinking
“Damn.. I didn’t even know she could rhyme.” 

 

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