Passion & Pain – Two Peas in a Pod

It’s a love-hate relationship when it comes to the big L-word.

Cupid hunts you down (typically while minding your own business) and unforgivingly shoots you with his magical arrow. You can’t mark it in your calendar and prep for it. You can’t study for it like a final exam. You can’t plan it. It just happens.

One day, you cross paths with a compatible soul and the story flows effortlessly, but you’ll find yourself consistently putting forth effort to keep it going. Best case scenario, it feels as though you’ve found a best friend in a complete stranger. You find yourself grinning in the middle of doing dishes at the slightest thought of this new, special person that has gracefully stepped into your life. You’re in such a daze you almost don’t mind the raisin fingers that come along with scrubbing dishes clean. There’s a new found pep in your step.

It’s the immediate connection and genuine laughter. It’s the urge to come up with ideas to brighten their day. It’s the moment you catch yourself admiring them doing something as simple as cooking dinner. It’s the excitement to learn each other. It’s the first person you want to call when you receive good news. It’s the desire to exist as the best version of yourself because they deserve that. It’s the way their presence brings you peace.

“The truth is everybody is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.” –Bob Marley

Love is all fine and dandy until you get hurt. And you will get hurt.

We’ve all had one, two, or twelve “fuck love” moments. Guilty as charged, but let’s shed a couple layers of the bitterness and be realistic. In retrospect we mean, “Fuck all the lies, deceit, selfishness, inconsistency, empty words, and unfulfilled promises.” The list could stretch a mile long, but these habits are not to be confused or associated with love. Love is comforting while these qualities are damaging.

Pain is promised when you’re dancing with passion. Unintentional or not, once your emotions are invested, your feelings are at risk.

There’s a strong sense of betrayal when we’re hurt by the people closest to us. You couldn’t care less if Billy Bob from the gas station told you it was his last day working the cashier and he was moving to France.. *shrugs* ..See ya, Billy. He has no meaningful relevance to your life. There will be another cashier that is capable of adding twenty bucks to pump seven. Now if this special person decided they were moving to France next week, you’d be a tad flustered. The people closest to you are the only ones with the ability to affect you in a significant way, whether it’s good or bad. If they didn’t mean anything to you, their actions wouldn’t sway you.

As scary as it is coming to terms with how vulnerable you’ve become, relationships open the door for growth you wouldn’t necessarily experience by yourself. A relationship requires a never ending supply of patience and understanding. Compromising is a must. Trust needs to be earned and maintained with consistency. Sacrifices have to be made.

You can’t move the same way you did when you were single because now your actions have the potential to directly affect another human being, whom you deeply care about. We don’t intentionally hurt people we feel for, but it happens. Mistakes are going to be made in love because we’re far from perfect. This is where forgiveness makes its grand entrance, but you can’t learn forgiveness without experiencing pain.

However, the problems come into play when the same hurtful situations continue to occur. Lessons aren’t being learned. There are a limited number of times you can forgive somebody before you cross the line into tolerating their behavior. Now you’re settling. You’ve given them the impression that their actions “aren’t so bad” and they know you will stick around at the end of the day, so why bother changing?

Your carefree, blissful relationship is becoming painfully toxic right before your eyes, but the love you have for this person is overriding your deeply buried logic. All you want to do is scream and shake them until they finally open their eyes and understand your point of view, but you can’t do that. They have to want to see it for themselves. Most likely, they fully understand what’s going on but they simply don’t care enough to change their ways to meet your expectations.

Through my eyes, anybody that continuously acts in the same hurtful manner towards you is selfish. They’re disturbing your peace of mind without second guessing it and for that; they don’t deserve another ounce of your effort because that’s not love. It’s damaging.

The only people worth suffering for are those that are willing to match your effort.

Remember that love is pure. It’s a breath of fresh air. When your reality of “love” begins to brings you more stress than peace, you’re fighting a losing battle with the same person that used to keep you out of harm’s way.

You can try as hard as you want, but you cannot love them into loving you.

It takes a toll on your well being that’s difficult to bounce back from. You can’t understand why you’re left feeling unlovable. How is it you can give your all to somebody & it still isn’t enough? It’s devastating.

There’s no more energy left to love yourself when you’re consumed with loving someone else.

You have to find the strength to walk away before you hit rock bottom. Not because you want to give up on your relationship but because they can’t provide what you deserve.

Everybody has a breaking point in a toxic situation. Eventually, the passion turns into pain & resentment. It’s an extremely lonely, heartbreaking place to be when your best friend reverts back to being a complete stranger.

We tend to convince ourselves to stick around because we know they love us, but oh boy.. There is so much more to love than just love.

5 thoughts on “Passion & Pain – Two Peas in a Pod

  1. In one night, I will probably read all your posts! I can stop! You will be a PROLIFIC WRITER Sarah Kate! And to think I saw you in your diapers!
    This Two peas in a pod: Passion & Pain stroked a chord in my heartstrings tonight. For I am currently living this period in my life! Too bad that this would come at this age where to begin another life isn’t as easy as it would have been if I was in my 30’s or 40’s!
    Keep writing dear!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. You are an amazing writer. Always knew you were special. Just sobbed thru your story about grandma. You’re words were beautiful. Love you Sarah Kate

    Liked by 1 person

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