Let’s dive right in, shall we?
If there was a queen of starting projects just to leave them in the dust, I would be crowned. I blame my attention span or lack thereof, but I’ll admit it. I’m a chronic hobby quitter. Although I do consider myself a semi-professional scroller of social media, I’m often left feeling uninspired and 140 characters is not quite enough for this racing mind.
Blogging is my newest hobby, but let’s be honest here.
I quit the first night I committed myself to starting a blog. I read more “how to blog” blogs than I will ever admit. It all seemed so simple until I began my research. How do I come up with a name for it? What would I write about? Would anybody read it? What if my mom reads it?? Why do I have to pay to join this website? Well. I ended up accidently spending eighty something unnecessary dollars within the first hour of my quest. Before I knew it, I was in a panic and on the phone with customer service listening to elevator music for 27 minutes praying for someone to solve all my beginner blogging problems. I actually managed to give myself anxiety while focusing on a project that was meant to relieve anxiety. Of course I did what any chronic hobby quitter would do when they’re frustrated; I went to sleep.
Fast forward to today. Round two. I picked up right where I left off (prior to the I’ll Never Be Good at Anything mental breakdown nine days ago). I hopped on the internet and asked Google how to start my first blog post like any newbie would. Search your competition, come up with a list of ten topics before you begin, don’t you dare plagiarize, learn about your target audience, you better hope you paid attention during freshmen English, la la la la, add your widgets and plug-ins, blah blah BLAH.
I decided there would be no more google searches. I wouldn’t overthink myself into anxiety this time. This time I would listen to Nike and I would just do it.
Over thinking is why I needed to start this blog for myself.
I work a 9-5 that allows plenty of time to daydream and zone out whether it’s about what my future will look like or how did this toddler become our president or how much does my dog miss me or if that happily ever after kind of love is simply a myth created by Disney. My thought process is parallel to a game of pin ball.
My fellow over-thinkers out there know that we’re often the cause of our own downfall because we’re handicapped of flipping the off switch to our brain. It’s a beauty and a curse to be in touch with your thoughts depending on your state of mind.
Happy thoughts are easy and enjoyable to get lost in, but once those dark thoughts find their way into your conscious it is undeniably difficult to snap out of it. It will consume you if you let it.
I’m all too familiar with the good ol’ depression and anxiety combo. I’m at a place in my life where it finds me in waves. Sometimes it lasts an hour and I come to the conclusion I’m overly dramatic, but sometimes it lasts for weeks and it feels like I’m drowning with no one in sight to help.
I know I’m not alone with this in our generation because I see it everywhere. We’re more connected with technology than ever before yet we still feel like nobody understands. Nor do we want to reach out to people about it because if you’re anything like me, you’re embarrassed by it. Reality is, more people than not can relate all too well.
I think a lot of our generations’ stress and worries stem from the pressure to be the best. Everybody’s broadcasting sneak peeks into their “perfect” relationships, where they went for vacation, and strategically angled thirst traps. I can’t speak for you, but I’m prone to comparing myself to the next person instead of understanding that I am me. Nobody else can be as good at being me as I can and I need to own that. Everybody needs to own that about their self.
It’s important to have the desire to improve, but improve to be the best version of you, not the Instagram model with a fat ass or the guy rich enough to make it rain in the club because guess what? For all you know, Miss Instagram is getting creative with photoshop and Make It Rain Mike just threw his rent money in the air for some attention.
There’s more to something than what meets the eye. If you keep up with my blog, you’ll soon realize I’m kind of a hot mess wrapped in a cute, pink bow.
A friend of mine referred to me as a bad ass princess and it stuck with me ever since. He merged two opposing concepts into one in order to accurately describe me as a whole. It was spot on.
I’m a bad ass princess.
I’m an open book but I need my privacy.
I’m impulsive but cautious.
I’m impatient but slow to give up on people.
I’m forgetful but thoughtful.
I’m reserved yet carefree.
I’m simply complex.
If we changed every little thing about ourselves that was frowned upon, we’d be “picture perfect” but we’d be nothing short of dull and robotic.
I’m a tangled mess of perfection.
I spend a lot of time reflecting and pretending as if I’m a wise philosopher but I’m just a girl that writes to clear her mind. My sole purpose of this blog is selfishly to relieve my own stress but my hope is people will be able to relate along the way. There’s no telling what topics this blog will reach but I can assure you to expect lots of organized rambling and well-structured run-on sentences about life.
If you made it this far, it means the world you took the time to read my very first blog post & I hope you come back for more.